The 12 Days AFTER Christmas

The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight.
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burned it just for spite!
Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge
My true love
My true love
My true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas
I put on me old rubber gloves
And very gently
Wrung the necks
Of both the turtledoves
My true love
My true love
My true love gave to me.

The third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use
The three French hens
To make her chicken soup.
The four calling birds were a big mistake
For their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake
And they turned my fingers green!
My true love
My true love
My true love gave to me.

The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
I gave the whole
Darn gaggle to
The A.S.P.C.A.
My true love
My true love
My true love gave to me.

The seventh day what a mess I found!
All seven of the swimming swans had drowned!
My true love
My true love
My true love gave to me.

The eighth day after Christmas
Before they could suspect
I bundled up
The:
eight maids a-milking
nine pipers piping
ten ladies dancing
eleven lords a-leaping
twelve drummers drumming
[well, actually I kept one of the drummers]
And sent them back COLLECT!

I wrote my true love
"We are THROUGH, love!"
And I said in so many words
Furthermore your Christmas gifts are for the BIRDS!
[four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtledoves
and a partridge in a pear tree....]