If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press numbers 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want, so stay on the line until we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer.